This whole load of Hypocrisy....

                     

     hy·poc·ri·sy

                                                             [ hi pókrəssee ]   

1. feigned high principles: the false claim to or pretense of having admirable principles, beliefs, or feelings
2.  hypocritical act: an act or instance of hypocrisy

Synonyms: insincerity, double standard, pretense, duplicity, two-facedness, falseness

I love this definition. While we are ALL more than certianly guilty of being a hypocrite at one time or another, the ones who practice it on a daily basis, the people who are so dim that they cant even see that they are contradicting themselves... those are the ones that not only provide me with entertainment, but also have me scratching my head in disbelief...

"are you seriously this convinced right now?!"

If there is anything worse than a hypocrite, its a Liar... and when you have BOTH rolled into one, it makes for some extremely obvious and yet shocking contradictions....

See the thing is, those who are desperately seeking approval, looking for ways to convince others of things, shoving this into newsfeeds etc, I always think to myself... wow... its so sad. 

POsting quotes, photos, memes link, articles, they means nothing , nor does it make anything about you true... other than you have an INSANE amount of time on your hands to be wasted. 

It's all a false image, a facade, a game with these people, AND the thing about "keeping up and image"... only the FAKE have to... because the REAL people, The GENUINE people, there is no question, and they generally dont care. 

Family is not based on DNA

I am the product of a "mixed family".
I spent my holidays split, my birthdays were extended, I had two allowances and two sets of chores. I had two bedrooms, Two copies of every report card and FOUR parents. With all of that came double the discipline, double the guidance and DOUBLE THE LOVE.

Even in my youngest years, at least as far back as I can remember, I never wished that I had the "leave it to beaver" fantasy family. While I am sure there were times I wondered what it was like to have both parents in the same house, it was only out of curiosity, not out of longing.

My siblings, all seven of them, are equally important to me, equally different, and not one of them shares the same two parents I do... yet we are all just as much family as anyone else.

Since the age of eight,  I have had four amazing people that have helped raise me, all with different personalities, different styles of communication and all with one goal in common... putting what was best for me first. I am thankful, not only for the moments in which I stood proudly at school, with all of them there supporting me, but also for the dreaded moments in which I had to face all of them when  my choices were not exactly the best. I remember my sweaty palms and the seemingly never ending moments in which each of them sat me down and gave me the best knowledge they could to help me through difficult times. I can still feel the way my eyes would roll when my mother would disagree with me, The frustrations I felt as a teenager when all i wanted to be was "free" and my Step father would remind me that I was still a child. I remember feeling angry when my father would call in support of my mother, and when my step mother would remind me that the rules stand... no matter what house I am in. I also remember BOTH of my mothers encouraging me to be everything I wanted to be and more, and BOTH of my fathers doing all they could to protect "their little girl" from the inevitable hurt I would feel from heartbreak.

I had two men walk me down the aisle when I was married, and four people give me away. There were two phone calls to two separate houses when I found out I was pregnant, and four very happy grandparents that were eager to welcome my children into this world along with me.

Now, as I am not only a parent, but a step parent, I am using all of these things in my own life, everyday, in attempts to raise three amazing little people to be even better than I turned out. I hear all four of my parents voices in my head when certain situations arise, and at least one, if not all of them are right. I am the person that I am today because of this blended family, and in turn, my children will benefit from it.

The End is actually a Bright beginning

6.21.2013

I am actually, legitimately, 100% a divorced woman. 
This is probably the strangest thing I have ever encountered, and here I am, in a combo of smiles and strange tears, ready to celebrate the fact that life is moving in a more than positive direction. 

When I married him, in my eyes, my heart, my soul, it was for good. Seven years later I know that our intentions were honest, that in those moments, we truly did love eachother, wanted to conquer the world together, and have every moment focused on the future.... together. I never thought that we would be signing papers saying that we are broken, that there is no fixing "us", that was so amazing for so long... but the truth of the matter is, things change, people change and sometimes the universe has a very interesting way of showing you EXACTLY what you need to see. 

I spent the years I had with him striving to be the best mother and wife that I could. Mind you, I was young, like a little spring chick, ready to take on a world that I thought I was ready for but wasnt ready for me. I put on my "big girl panties" and took it on full force... only to find out that there are many corners and nooks and crannies, back alleys and hideaways that hold secrets, lies, illusions, like a speakeasy in the 1920's.... and I strong as I tried to be, as much as I fought through, I finally started to realize that I was in fact just a small blip on a giant spiderweb of a map... completely intertwined with another person, his past, our current and what the future may hold.

I will not bad mouth him, I have no reason to. We both have our flaws and we are both aware of them. I dont believe in turning into one of those "bitter disgruntled ex wives" that takes any emotionally fueled chance to dig deep into the skin of someone she may feel less than pleased with. Bottom line, truth of the matter? I once loved him in a way I never knew possible. He is the father of my amazing children and their hero... why would i ever try and take that away from them? This doesnt mean that there are not still moments where I would like the whack him on the forehead like the V8 commercials, or that we dont have moments where we dont see eye to eye. (after all we are DIVORCED for a reason), but we have also found this peace, with the help of our amazing counter parts, that have helped us see that not only are we a million times better off as friends, but also capable of seeing past all of the things that hurt us so much. 

It really does feel confusing and amazing to sit and know that we are doing what we have set out to do, to give our children the best life we can, making sure that they are happy, the happiest, and thriving. Yet, on order for them to be happy, we must be happy first... and that is where this leads. 

The three little faces that we tuck in at night are the sole reason we breathe.... and without each other, no matter what state of agreement we may be in, we would not have them. I am finding so much peace in the fact that even though our plans did not pan out, even though the love that was once there is now different, I can call my ex husband a friend... which not many can. 

As we signed the book yesterday, making it official, preparing ourselves for the next chapter, i began to cry. Not out of sadness, because this is what we both want, what we both know is best and what we all need, but I think because it was a reminder of the days where we were eachother's best friend, and somewhere along the lines it got screwed up. I twas reminder of all of the faith and time that was out into something that ultimately comes down to a signature in a bound hard back book, full of there people signatures, stating that they too, once had faith and it was lost. 

I am swimming in this mess of strange feelings, excited and confused. Wondering if I still believe in forever the way that I did before... And even if it turns out that I dont, I know that I have learned more than I could have ever hoped for through this, and that at the age of 27, I truly feel as though I can begin living the life I have always wanted, with my kiddos, and know that I am never alone. 

June 21st 2013.... a new beginning, the day I begin all over again.  

The legal Do-si-do

                        The Legal "Doe-si-Doe" 

 He said, she said. We all hear it everyday. One person says one thing and the other rebuddles with something else. The problem is, it creates these clouds, these gray areas that everyone's "honesty" mulls it'self into... these areas seem to create doubt and bring about this frustration. YOu stand in a court room and swear yourself in, underoath, and continue to lie. That is the position I am in. 

Knowing that you are the on telling the truth can be so frustrating, if only there way a way for them to look directly into my brain so they would see, I am not lying, I have nothing to hide from you. 

There are moments I want to cry, feeling defeated by something that is so much bigger than I am. Moments that I want to laugh, because clearly the efforts on the counter part have gotten to a desperate level in order to make up such lies. Moments I want to lash out, all because it seems so ridiculous that the burden of proof would fall anywhere other than where it belongs. Finally, there are the moments in which I find peace. Moments like these where I know that all ic an do is tell the truth, have it backed by actual solid proof, and pray that doing the right thing comes through.