Not the answer...

Yesterday, a local teen committed suicide at his high school. My heart sank. I learned that he had a beautiful future ahead of him- full ride scholarship to college, graduating in mere days, an accomplished athlete, a well rounded kid- my heart sank even more. Then I learned that he had voiced his feelings of despair and angst on Twitter, which had been retweeted again and again, and I became angry. This CHILD, this LIFE, was crying for help and it never came. He chose to end his days in school, the place he had built his future, the place his friends and team mates and mentors all came together.... That's how much he was hurting. Everyone that saw his tweets, everyone that clicked "retweet", anyone, clearly did not assume he was in danger. But here lies the problem.... No one spoke up. Whether it be the risk of making a grave assumption and being wrong, or the inability to decipher a temporary mood from a real problem, too many are afraid to speak up. This needs to end now. Teach your children, your friends, your neighbors, how to be compassionate, sensitive and brave. Love them, praise them, hold their hands and show them that no matter what, they are worth more than anyone could ever imagine.

 Life smacks us in the face on more than one occasion each week. The world feels like it is tumbling down and you are left trying to gather the pieces, in attempts to put them back together, and it feels all too impossible. Your parents don't understand you, what you are dealing with, they assume it is "easy" being a kid, forgettin their days of crying in their beds at night, hiding their faces in their lockers when certain people passed by, what it felt like to have a broken heart before adulthood provided them with responsibility as a distraction.

You feel a though your spouse and you are on two different planets, juggling your own set of "must tod" and "honey dos", in the way of making your life dreams come true. You feel sad, an you aren't sure why, you miss laughing and relaxing, you miss feeling like "you", before you are "Mom" or "Dad" or "employee" etc. You feel out of touch, overwhelmed and buried in your own skin. 

You have been battered, beaten with hands and words, your heart feels void and you are living in shadows of what you thought your life would be like. On the outside you present life as "everything is okay" , when inside you are screaming for help. You cover bruises and scars on a daily basis, in hopes that no one will notice, because you don't want them to see how weak you are. "It's your fault", " you make me do this", " no one will believe you", "I will kill you if you ever try and leave me"...... "If I can't have you, no one can." --- these words echo in your mind day after day, a constant fight between what you know is rational and what your mind has been molded to believe. You feel there is no way out, no way to make the pain stop, that this is what life will be like forever. 

These are just a few examples, there are many more, but none are worth taking your own life. 

Yes there are hotlines, but most that are that far broken will not use them. We need to be the voice for those who cannot speak for themselves! We need to be able to approach a friend, family member, spouse ... ANYONE and say "I'm worried, I love you, please let me help your." We need to be able to approach administration in schools, management at work, and express our concerns and have it be immediately taken seriously. WE NEED TO BE PRESENT, BE HEARD,  BE AWARE. 

My heart breaks for the family of the boy that was lost, for each moment that will grace their day to day life with glimpses of him. The wonder of what went wrong, what was missed, what could have, should have would have..... The moments his mother folds his clothes that were left in the dryer that day, the moment the phone rings and his father, for a split second, wonders if it is him. The grow his team will feel with a vacant spot in his honor, the girl that loves him, wishing to hold his hand just once more. His siblings left feeling as though they lost a part of themselves,.... My heart goes out to them. 

We nee to pave the way for hope, for a light at the end of a very common and dark tunnel. We have all been there, and we made it through.... we are the proof there is hope, we are the experiences that can help, we can be the guide to help the rest find their way....