For my Brother...

"NEVER APART"

  You are my brother, the person I waited my entire life to meet, to get to know, to hug, laugh with and bond with. It was instant. At the age of 21 I never thought I would find that "missing puzzle piece" Family wise, and there you were! I felt like i had always known you, it all flowed together so well, and I was so greatful to finally have my Big brother in my life. 

I will never forget the first time you hugged me, having to do a "tap out" on your shoulder because I couldnt breathe  ( lol), whether it was the sheer build up of emotions, or the fact that you are 6'7" and your strength in RIDICULOUS, (or maybe a combo of both)... either way, it let me know right then and there... this family is what we had both been searching for... this family is forever. 

That was in 2009, and over the last four years it has been a roller coaster. You became a Dad to the universe's cutest blonde haired, blue eyed little southern belle ever. I think that may have been the only highlight... Over the last four years I have watche dthings fall apart, and while some of the decisions you have mad eI understood... I can honestly say that i am flabbergasted at this point. 

I got word just a few days ago that you are once again in Jail, and I knew that when my first reaction was "oh thank god"... it had gone too far. Drug addiction has stolen my brother, my father's son and Lily's Daddy... this being your third strike... I wonder if I will ever see you as a free man again... 

The fact of the matter is that it has come to a point where I am thankful that you are behind bars, because it means you are safe, in one place and will get the medical attention that you need. I have spent countless nights thinking about everything from how to help you, to fearing that I would one day soon have to plan a trip to GA from your funeral... 

I think one the hardest things about this is that I have always wanted to be supportive, I have always wanted to be the shoulder that you would need, or the person who would hear you out. The thing is that the entire time all of this has been going on, you have been telling me what I wanted to hear, or at least what you THOUGHT I wanted to hear. secretly, i knew it was all fabricated, but I wasnt going to continually shoot you down. I remained honest with you though, i always kept that promise, and I could feel the wrench in your voice when you became upset with me calling you out. then you would avoid me. 

All the help offered, all the love shown... I dont know what else we could have done... But that's just the thing, no matter what, you had made up your mind, and were satisfied with he path you have chosen. 

I am upset, not just for you, but mostly for your daughter, your son, our father and my kiddos. For aunt rose and Cara, for Misty, for me..... This is not fair.